Sequentially, I know I’m all over the place.
I’m okay with it.
I find myself, as I often do, considering Hermione’s actions in relation to Ron. After the lengthy conversation I had last night, I find myself in the Half-Blood Prince. I’m in the Gryffindor common room after the Quidditch match, when Lavender Brown kisses Ron and poor Hermione vanishes into an empty classroom to cry.
I have a sense of intuition that I ought know by now not to doubt. I am also cursed with a dual nature. One side, she’s Bones. She’s hyper-rational…rational to the point where she loses things. The other side, she’s Angela. She is not rational. She is emotional and reactive. Bones used to be in control, but she’s often at a loss to Angela. I knew, deep within my heart and my head, that something had shifted. I’ve experienced it before, and I’m sure I’ll experience it again. The shrewd observation of events is all Bones…the emotional repercussions of them, that’s Angela.
The dynamic is different when it’s a relationship you’ve already tried verses a relationship you’ve never had. Hermione did not know, definitively. However, I can imagine her betrayal, perceived or actual, that she must have felt when Ron kissed Lavender. It’s the same betrayal as seeing a relationship declared on facebook, or getting a text when you’re driving down the road confirming the news you’ve been intuitively sensing was coming. I am impressed she made it to the classroom. I wish I had a Harry Potter to cry on.
As Hermione says, “he’s at perfect liberty to kiss whomever he likes.” Yes, sure. While I don’t like it, I can deal with the physical. I’m not perfect. What I can’t deal with is the notion of emotions…of not being given the opportunity to finally figure it out, the way Hermione did. Precedent tells me that things will not work out the way I want them to, but experience tells me that I will survive, regardless.